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Friday, July 29, 2005  

Existential angst

Tonight I came home straight from the office. The idea was to pack and sleep, in that order, but I fell asleep immediately instead and was awoken by a phone call past 7 PM. For several very long seconds I had no idea which day it was, whether it was morning or afternoon, whether I was alone at home or not. Finally, my brain connected. I still have not packed. Guess I'll do it tomorrow. Either that or I'll just throw a few whatevers in a bag and hope for the best. I can hardly wait to be on that plane.
Instead of packing I had a couple of long phone conversations. One in particular was an eye-opener. I have a friend in human resources and she told me about all sort of opportunities I could avail myself with. The future seems less bleak now. I am slowly understanding that I can really do whatever I want. The "reasonable" solution might not work for me. Historically, it hasn't. Basically, I have now three options: stay within the organization but start looking for a different job; quit and join the free market; or wait it out just a little longer and see if telecommuting becomes a reality. The first option means a change of careers, the other two a change of modality. I could also take a leave without pay and explore alternatives for a while. As a first step I need to go see the nice folks over at human resources and learn about skills, competencies, job interviews, etc. I need to find out if they are courses I could take, seminars, certifications, training. Obviously I will not rush into anything. It's not like I can't stand one more minute, it's more like I dread a future of exactly the same.

12:08 AM
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