News of no interest whatsoever except to very close and patient friends and family members and maybe people with no life
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| WebJournal - The blog will set you free News of no interest whatsoever except to very close and patient friends and family members and maybe people with no life |
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Tuesday, November 16, 2004 The bigger the sorrow the bigger the phone bill Yesterday I fell asleep blogging and lost all my post. It's the second time I have this happening to me in a week and it's very distressing, especially when I've researched and inserted all kinds of links. Damn. It was a particularly depressing day. I finally mentioned the D(ivorce) word to JP. Given the state of communication we enjoy at present, I resorted to an e-mail and followed up with a brief IM conversation. Did not get much of a response. Plus ça change plus c'est la même chose. I just wanted to avoid having to broach the subject over X-mas dinner and I really really want to avert drama. But drama at this point seems almost like wishful thinking. I am barely getting a yawn, or a smart-ass retort when I am lucky. There are moments when the situation wears me down. I have to remind myself that this is the kind of stuff that send people spiraling into nasty depressions. The kind of stuff some people kill themselves over. I on the other hand am left with the feeling I should just sail through it like it's nothing. This is the ending of a relationship that has pretty much defined all of my adult life and I am expected to close the door on it without batting an eye. As much as I absolutely despise drama for the sake of it, I should be entitled to some good ol' abject despair. Of course, nobody is asking me not curl up in a ball and wail. It's me demanding it from myself. Janis called, I called back, then she called back. Finally we connected and spent about an hour on the phone. I then called Pam, who was having a dark day of her own, and we spent well over an hour on the phone. By the time I was done with this cathartic exercise it was 2.30 AM. That explains why I fell asleep blogging. Pam and I were talking about eventually getting a big place, adopting kids, adopting dogs. We would always have food cooking in the kitchen. Friends coming and going. An open door policy. Lots of music and lots of books. We'll eat ice-cream and watch sappy movies. By eventually we mean when we eventually give up. Hurray. Haizam called today. He'll be home tomorrow by mid-afternoon. It's been almost two years since last time and I am really excited about seeing him again. Time to open a bottle of wine. Too bad he'll be jetlagged. Also today I got my Victoria's Secret fix. At some deep level, there's a comforting satisfaction in buying totally implausible thongs and V-strings that would make me the laughingstock of the emergency room should I ever survive a car wreck. I also finally bought a new digital camera. Mine has been shot for a while and I can't never find time to cross the street and get a few disposable cameras developed, so I got myself a Dave's pick: "There's nothing anywhere near its combination of resolution, features, and image quality for anywhere near its price". I bought it online and managed to dodge the pushy salesguy on the phone after I was asked to call to confirm my order. I am oh, so proud of myself. I should get it shortly. Hearty hatred I can't stand Martha Stewart. It's a fact. I heard her daughter on Larry King Live a couple of days ago and the genes have passed on: she is just as despicable. But nobody, nobody comes near the absolute comptempt I feel towards whatshername, that bottle-blonde broad with the sharky smile. Last time I mistakenly wasted three seconds on her show she was telling one poor lady about her foolproof method for determining whether you have a spending problem. She asked how many shoes she owned. The lady sheepishly answered "15" and whatshername attacked with a viciously patronizing "And how many do you really need? Two?". Now, that is one stupid test. Does it mean that anybody who own more than two pairs of shoes is financially dysfunctional? What about all the rest? What do we really need? Shelter,maybe, if it's too cold. Food now and now. Water on a more regular basis. Get a grip, you stupid bitch! 7:54 PM
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