WebJournal - The blog will set you free

WebJournal - The blog will set you free
News of no interest whatsoever except to very close and patient friends and family members and maybe people with no life

Monday, August 30, 2004

And now for some private info ...

I had never heard the word tolerant used as a criticism before. That has changed now.
Yesterday, in a long and drawn out phone conversation with J.P. I was told how much I have changed in every possible way - except in my lousy relationship with my mother, of course. I am a completely different person.

The main difference, as might be expected, is that I no longer listen to him. It seems I interpret this as having matured and having attained liberation. He tends to think of it as the start of my unraveling. I simply ceased to see the light.

Then there's the physical part, of course. I am nothing like I was in my twenties and it sure feels good to be constantly reminded of it.

When I was in my twenties I was also ambitious. I made an effort to hide it because it was not socially acceptable, but I had it in me. I rejoiced in what I did and in my accomplishments. Now I am passively professionally unhappy and I don't care. Somehow I do not remember all that excitement at being a secretary back then. But maybe it's me. I have notoriously lousy memory.

And then the coup de grace. When I was in my twenties I was critical of people. Now I am "tolerant". And tolerant is bad because I do not discern.

Still, he "loves" me. Such confusion.

I could have spent the night bawling. I almost did. Then I chose to think good riddance. Even my tolerance has its limits.

11:34 AM

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