News of no interest whatsoever except to very close and patient friends and family members and maybe people with no life
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| WebJournal - The blog will set you free News of no interest whatsoever except to very close and patient friends and family members and maybe people with no life |
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Saturday, January 31, 2004 Que sara, sara, whatever will be, will be Years ago I had panic attacks. Only they were not called panic attacks. It was neurovegetative dystonia back then. I would be perfectly fine and then suddenly I could not breath, the world seemed to be closing in on me, my vision got clouded. The works. I had to sit down or else faint. First time it happened I was lucky enough to be taken to an emergency room where a doctor told me right away it was all in my head. For a while I was a mess. Couldn't really go anywhere or do much without hyperventilating. I started developing all sorts of phobias. No elevators for me thanks, No riding fast in a car. Absolutely ridiculous. I went for therapy, a short useless therapy of a couple of months or less. Lots of pills. At that time my mother was in and out of hospitals, my father had lost his job, JP's father, grandfather and dog had all died within a short period. I though I was just dandy but I guess I was not. Major anxiety eating at me. Eventually what really got me back together was dancing and working out. I would work full time, go to college courses in the evening and I distinctly remember a dance/aerobics class Friday nights at 11 PM. I started working out like there was no tomorrow. And it did help. Whatever the body secretes while exercising it give you a tremendous high and then it relaxes you like nothing else. I haven't head a full blown panic attack in ages now. Now and then, when I feel I might start to hyperventilate I can pretty much breath my way out of it. My history of phobias includes the classic fear of flying. I could not even watch a scene filmed from an airplane without getting the sweaty palms (yes, I tend to overdo everything, even phobias). Then I went for one of those panic clinics. This one was organized by Swissair. That was the beginning of a very happy plane hopping era. the fear was gone. I even enjoyed turbulences. They felt like riding a wave. And then today, bam! I was on the plane from Montevideo to Buenos Aires and it took all I had not to get up shrieking. It wasn't even that bumpy. It sure didn't help that the guy across the aisle from me seemed about to have his own little attack, eyes closed, legs going frantically up and down. I guess that, as in every single instance before this one, I am reacting to not being in control. I should really learn to let go and be a little more zen. But then again this whole zen shit is as far away from my true self as possible. 3:09 PM << Home |
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