WebJournal - The blog will set you free News of no interest whatsoever except to very close and patient friends and family members and maybe people with no life |
Saturday, December 20, 2003 Went out on Thursday night to bid farewell to Enrique. He is just the sweetest thing, not to mention one of the cutest too. He is leaving NY on Sunday and after the holidays will be working in Geneva, Switzerland and awaiting the birth of his baby girl. Given that his girlfriend is also a cutie, the baby will be adorable. Anyways, M.A. and I started off at a Mexican joint on 42nd St. It was extremely crowded and loud and there was an open bar thing going on. Perfect. Dinner at Dallas BBQ where the portions are so humongous I couldn't even start working on mine and then over to Kanvas where I sort of split from the group and joined a very lively bunch of girls dancing by the window until it was time to go. This evening after work I went gift shopping with Cecilia and, as luck will have have it, bumped into M.A. on our way back while I was carrying his present! Not easy to hide when you are carrying a box and gift wrapping paper! There goes the surprise, though I think I managed not to let him see what it was. Ended up going to another Mexican place and then to the Divine for a quick dinner. I was home by 9 PM, asleep not much later than that and of course now it's the middle of the night and I am wide awake! This weekend I need to get presents for Cecilia's kids (I have a couple of ideas), for Melissa (I have absolutely no idea), and for a few other people. I also need to get my act together, pay some bills and complete my lease paperwork (I HATE paperwork). The Xmas party photo album is way too big to upload to any of my web spaces so I'd leave it on my own computer and hope you can access it. If you can't, let me know (wouldn't it be nice if somebody anybody used the comments feature sometime?), I probably should adjust the firewall or the network settings. Tomorrow will be a day of crazy calls, I can feel it coming. In addition to my weekly emotional suicide I will probably talk to a friend who has lost her mother OVER A MONTH ago and has not told a soul because she cannot handle it. J.P. found out today by chance, was completely shocked, called her and was asked not to tell me. Supposedly, she will tell me herself tomorrow, by e-mail. I think this is insane. Or maybe she is reacting the way you are supposed to and I handled my father's death way too naturally. Maybe because I sort of expected it, maybe because I am convinced he was ready to go or maybe just because I am a cold hearted bitch, but while I've certainly been merrier I did not come apart. Now and then and especially when I go back to Uruguay where older men look a lot like him I have these pangs of grief and I am hit by the realization that he is really gone. Not away, not living in another country but totally, completely gone from the face of the Earth. It is unsettling but I try to savor the pain, not dwell on it and move on. And by savoring the pain I do not mean to get all masochistic but just to experience whatever I am feeling. After all, there is a certain dearness to this pain, even a certain comfort. In any case, whatever qualities it has I probably should not be trying to explain them at 3 AM ... 3:10 AM
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